Job Interview
by montypython203
Summary: Post S2. Torchwood Three is looking for new recruits, but they have certain requirements...


_Title: Job Interview_

_Rating: T_

_Summary: Post S2. Torchwood Three is looking for new recruits, but they have certain requirements..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood. If I did, Children of Earth would have been released by now!_

_Author's Note: My first fic in over a month! Yay! Written in observation of the personal lives of the Torchwood employees._

**Job Interview**

Captain Jack Harkness generally preferred to recruit people to Torchwood in the most secretive way possible. He would be alerted to their actions in encountering aliens, track them down from there, and try to convince them to come and work for him. There were a few exceptions, like Ianto, who had come to _him_.

However, with the deaths of Owen and Toshiko, life in Torchwood Three was rather difficult. Which was why – through the most secret means possible, of course – Jack sent out ads for jobs. Job interviews were conducted in the Hub by Jack, with Ianto and Gwen beside him. The interviewee sat by themselves, with a desk separating them from the others.

"Thank you for seeing me," said the hopeful employee. She was a young woman with a long blonde ponytail, and although she had a kind face it was clear that she was serious about what she believed in.

"It's our pleasure," said Jack, addressing the woman. "So," he checked her name on her application paper, "Meredith, tell us about yourself." Meredith straightened up in her seat, and Jack could not help but detect an air of smugness in her manner.

"I was always quite a bright child," Meredith said. "My parents knew I was special, so they gave me the best education possible. I played sports at a high level all my life – from table tennis to football – so I know how to work by myself _and_ in a team. But I also worked very hard in my academic life, as you should be able to tell by my A Levels results." She indicated towards a piece of paper sitting on the desk in front of her. "Having finished school a year early, I went to university and got a degree in engineering. But then I realised that what I was really interested in was using my skills for the benefit of the country, so I joined the army." This gained nods of approval from Jack, Ianto and Gwen.

"Go on," said Jack.

"All the men were very impressed with my abilities, especially since I was 'just a woman'," continued Meredith. "You see, I worked in the army as both a soldier _and_ a technician. After a couple of years UNIT was drawn to my abilities, and they offered me a job with them. And oh, the things I saw! To be involved in such a high level of intelligence, and to know that I was helping defend mankind! It was a truly rewarding job."

"So why do you want to work for Torchwood?" questioned Jack.

"Well, of course I love UNIT, but I feel I need a change of working environment," explained Meredith. "Everyone at UNIT is so pompous, acting like they know everything."

"You don't by any chance know a Martha Jones, do you?" asked Jack out of curiosity.

"Can't say I do, no," said Meredith. "Of course, that's another problem with UNIT – it's so big! It's grown so much that it's hard to make friends or establish working relationships or anything. I really feel like I need a more relaxed atmosphere."

"Understandable," said Jack, nodding. "Okay, let's get your statistics out of the way. Age?"

"Twenty eight," said Meredith. "But people have told me that I could pass for twenty six."

"Height?" said Jack, seemingly disinterested (though Ianto's hand sitting firmly on his leg may have been the cause of that).

"Five foot eight," answered Meredith.

"Sexual orientation?"

"Straight."

Jack stopped and clenched his teeth together, releasing an awkward hissing sound.

"What?" asked Meredith. "What did I say?" Jack raised a finger to silence her and turned to Ianto and Gwen. The three of them murmured between each other for a while, until Jack finally turned back to Meredith.

"Are you sure you're straight?" he said. "You're not bi, by any chance?"

"Of course I'm sure," said Meredith. "I think I know my own sexual orientation."

"You did say that you were good at sports..." said Ianto suggestively.

"That doesn't mean I'm a lesbian!" exclaimed Meredith. "What does it matter, anyway? Are you homophobic or something?" The three Torchwood members snorted with laughter.

"Quite the opposite," said Jack. "You see, Torchwood is, and always has been, a very _modern_ organisation. Here, we're all quite comfortable about our sexuality."

"I don't understand," said Meredith, confused.

"Forget it – let's just get back to the interview," said Jack quickly. "Now... you never went through any phases growing up, or experimented in university?"

"No!" insisted Meredith.

"Are there any circumstances in which you would kiss another woman?" asked Gwen. "Perhaps if they emitted alien pheromones?"

"I very highly doubt it," said Meredith. "I have always been attracted to men. That's not to say that I've had a whole lot of boyfriends, what with my jobs and all, but when I have had them I've known I was attracted to them. But what does this have to do with anything?!"

"And this... lack of boyfriends," said Jack. "Does this mean that when you do meet someone, you tend to go a little crazy?"

"A little what?" said Meredith.

"I think the word Jack is looking for is slutty," said Ianto. "Slept with them after only knowing them for a few hours, going for anyone that'll look at you, stuff like that."

"Even if you're already with someone," added Gwen.

"Absolutely not!" said Meredith. "Relationships need to develop over time. And even when I _have_ slept with people, I have done it in the most loving and traditional way possible."

"I take it the word 'traditional' means no use of household objects to satisfy your sexual desires," said Jack. Meredith screwed up her face in disgust. Jack leaned back in his chair, his arms folded across his chest.

"So no kinky bedroom antics then," he said, somewhat disappointed.

"No having multiple lovers at once," stated Gwen.

"No confusion about your sexuality," finished Ianto.

"Correct," said Meredith. "Now do I have the job?" Jack, Ianto and Gwen exchanged glances. It was Jack who finally spoke.

"We'll let you know."

**The End**

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